A Constant Reflection

A Constant Reflection

I recently went on a small family girls trip to Vegas for my mothers 71^st birthday. It was just me, my step sister Ali, my aunt Caryn, and my mother.

We are not huge gamblers, so during the day we found less eventful, middle-aged, suburban raised lady activities to partake in such as Yahtzee, Bingo, and way too many home brought snacks. Nothin says CLASSY like checking your bags with The Bellagio Hotel Bellhop, only to have him haul up a grocery bag overstuffed with a family sized bag of Cheetos, jars of Pub Mix, and two pounds of Sour Patch Kids!

Guess it’s better then liters of Fireball though…

Faced with a generous amount of hotel room downtime, it gave me the chance to really reflect on my current surroundings.

Things such as-

1 -Why is it frowned upon for me to walk to the ice machine in panties and a bra, but call it a bathing suit and you’re more then welcome for a 3pm cash splurge at the Roulette table?

2 -Why do *I have to pay seventy dollars a night to park at a hotel that *I am already paying $800 a night for??

*My mom

The complimentary, miniscule, 3 Chugs MAX bottle of water does not make up for this atrocity.

3 -Last but definitely not least-

Why the hell would anyone put a floor length mirror, in the bathroom, on the back of a closet door- Directly across from the toilet?!

These kind of non-essential, needless decorating mishaps drive me insane. Why don’t you just send in one of your orderlies to slap me in the face? The misery would be more rapidly fleeting.

After about the age of 9… there’s not been a toilet in the world that is big enough to keep my outer thighs from spilling over. Add in a few small belly rolls and my reflection in the mirror begins to look like one of those many all you can eat beef towers being offered at the local Brazilian Steakhouse.

I don’t need this type of body reflection right before a night out at Wolfgang Pucks!

It’s always been known that Vegas purposely has no clocks in an effort to keep their clientele in the dark about how long they have been gambling- how about incorporate the same logic to mirrors?

It’s all a big ploy to save money on the seafood budget at the Buffet. Force people to look in this self-hatred induced potty mirror right before they drop $80 for an all you can eat food extravaganza that they have now completely lost their appetite for.

This is my version of “edgy conspiracy theories” by the way…

On a lighter note- We ate Cheetos for breakfast, and that my friends is true Freedom! Girls Gone Wild- The senior citizen edition.

Back to my original issue at hand.

It is my belief that the mirror situation in our society has gotten way out of control. They are everywhere I don’t want them to be and almost always leave me feeling gross.  Like cockroaches or stray pubic hair.

When Deepak Chopra suggested daily reflections in life this is not the facet he intended!

Is there a reason mirrors have somehow become a requirement in every possible social scenario?  What is the constant obsession placed upon us to see how we look? Especially when no mirror makes me look the same. After forty something years of various reflections I honestly still don’t know which one is correct- or what I actually look like. One minute I’m a distorted mess with a large pores and a protruding nose, ready to give up completely. The next I am reveling in the sight of my own sparkling light green eyes and semi-smooth polished skin. I have absolutely no idea which is accurate.

Do we really need mirrors in elevators?  Give me one instance where a floor to ceiling mirror in an elevator was deemed an essential need?

As soon as you step out of the elevator there is sure to be a hallway also lined with the same reflection.

We have erected whole buildings made out of mirrors just to remind us of the importance of outside appearance.

And the worst offender of all- The 10x super magnified vanity mirror that mostly only comes with a large hotel bill.

The more expensive the hotel- the stronger the mirror magnification. This is fact. I’ve done the research. Motel 6 doesn’t have a vanity mirror. In fact I’ve never looked better then I do in a Motel 6 bathroom.

They are targeting the rich. Making them feel more insecure so they spend even more money to hide their discomfort and pain!

It’s my belief that the mirror business is in direct cahoots with alcohol sales.

The lighting in a bar bathroom is the absolute worst. All these crack house lighting mirrors are designed to get the insecure middle-aged woman to order more drinks till she is just blurry enough to blame her hideous reflection on the Jack Daniels.

I don’t need this much self-reflection. Let me remain just a bit of a mystery to myself so I can judge my self-worth/ esteem on my daily accomplishments, inner feelings, spirituality of the day- rather then a constant assessment of my face and body. Let me wear the clothes I am most excited about, rather then the ones that hide my peri-menopausal, constantly bloated belly the best.

Have you ever encountered a woman as angry at mirrors as this one??

Jen is the new Karen!

Xoxoxo,

Thank you for reading!