Season of Strength

Strength definitely appears to be the theme heading into this second quarter of 2025. Although after just typing that sentence, I realized the theme really presented itself right off the bat this year, just as the New Year’s Celebration hangovers were wearing off and destruction set in on January 5^th with the Pacific Palisades and Eaton Canyon Fires happening here in Southern California.

I seem to be coming across so many different forms of strength, all in a learning capacity, as I am only, luckily, just an observer in the process of others.

In January I watched my brother, his wife and their three children leave their home for work and school one day only to never return again, as the Palisades fire spread too quickly for them to return up the long winding hilltop to their home for any possessions, including their dog who was luckily and miraculously saved by a neighbor so gracious that they stopped even though they themselves were fleeing in their own desperation. The whole family and pet ending up at my mom’s house to stay with only the clothes they were wearing and kid’s backpacks, from what they could have never imagined was not only a last day spent at that school, but the last of the daily routines they had known so far.

Every time I see them now, just thinking how lucky we are that the fires started in the day rather than nighttime when maybe they wouldn’t have beat the flames down that long, beautiful hill that their home used to reside on.

Followed up in late March by my best friend from high school discovering she had stage 3 breast cancer, yet still engaging in life on a daily basis and even upholding the ability to laugh with me about my dumb, trivial life.

Just yesterday, a close friend of my stepsister’s reliving the story to me from his fate just half a year ago in October 2024, trying to save his now deceased partners life with mouth to mouth while waiting for the ambulance to arrive after his young, forty year old body collapsed unexpectedly in the shower of their shared home.

His exact words were “the last time I kissed him was when I was giving him mouth to mouth trying to save his life.”

Is there anything more devastating and incomprehensible to the human emotional threshold?

Yet he was composed enough, after the incident happening only six short months ago, to be able to relay that story to me without breaking down in tears. And in a surprisingly very composed manner.

Forgive me if this isn’t perfectly composed. I am just writing and not editing- please don’t judge 

Maybe the look of complete delusion and unquestionable sadness on not just mine, but other listeners faces, being mirrored back to him brings some small bit of relief that, yes, he is right in feeling whatever desperate struggle to make it through the day may often arise.

I listen to a story like this, and have in the past witnessed others, such as my own mom who lost her husband of twenty-five years, and wonder how they get out of bed. A part of me jealous I haven’t yet known that deep of a long-term relationship, then grateful- I haven’t known that deep of a long-term relationship loss…

I am not sharing these stories with the intention of making you sad, but the exact opposite. I couldn’t stop thinking about this guy’s mouth to mouth story for the past twenty-four hours after he relived it verbally just inches from me. Not because I asked him to, but I’m guessing more likely because it still probably doesn’t seem real to him, and maybe verbalizing the still unfathomable horror of the situation helps him try to come to terms with the reality.

Surprising thing about this article is- I started it last week after working multiple nights at Sofi Stadium with Beyonce and being in awe at how strong and powerful her presence was.

Queen Bee!!

A.K.A. Sasha Fierce

I understand the nickname now.

I just spent five nights at Sofi Stadium for the latest Beyonce Tour -Cowboy Carter.

I was not too excited night one.

I have admired her voice over the years- mostly in ballads- and of course what 90’s teens didn’t love Destiny’s Child. But I just couldn’t get on board with poppy/ semi hip hop/ mildly country/ mayhem.

It just felt too forced to me. Like an overly middle-aged woman changing her fashion taste from long flowy dresses to cheap denim miniskirts in a last-ditch effort to be relevant.

Needless to say- her dedicated fans strongly disagreed! And regardless of my music taste- her undeniably powerful presence and stamina won me over by night three.

I figured I would just write a few lighthearted words about a powerful and famous female stranger. Not even realizing – I have witnessed that strength and resilience tenfold with the people closest to me.

I seem to be a constant observer to a lot of people fighting for their lives and sanity.

I share these stories because in being witness to them I myself have begun to live my daily life in different ways as a result. I am more grateful to be peaceful on a long walk or lazy on my comfy bed, rather than stressed that I must feel like I am doing something extremely productive throughout my whole waking day or I may risk a guilty depression! Or worse- complete unworthiness.

Gratefulness is a huge gift to the soul. And to all the people forced to face their most inner strength first hand on a daily basis, I applaud and admire you xoxo